My brother's latest tragedy.

My little brother, T, found out last week that his dad has stage 4 lung cancer. J, T's dad, had just enough time to get his final arrangements made. Now J is in his final days, under hospice care and doped to near unconsciousness on pain killer to make him more comfortable.

(Background note if you are confused: T and I have the same mom but, obviously, different dads. T is 7 years younger and will always be my "lil bro" but is a grown man nonetheless. My mom and J divorced shortly after T was born so I barely saw J after I was about 8 years old.)

I ache for my brother. This is so sudden and so horrible. It is small consolation that he had a chance to say his goodbyes. It makes me so sad that T will now have lost both his parents before he turns 30 this summer. So young to have only siblings left.

T had worked hard on keeping his relationship with his dad over the last several years. J is a macho man from a very macho culture and his son's homosexuality was not exactly a comfortable subject for him. Though he didn't understand it, J didn't disown my brother or say he was sick/pervert/damned. J loves his son and so related to him the only way he knew how, through a "manly" activity. T loves cars and used that mutual interest to nurture a decent relationship with his dad. J is a good man. I hope his passing is as painless and gentle as possible.

In the midst of this heart-wrenching experience my brother is discovering a deeper level in his relationship with his boyfriend. Despite his romantic nature, my brother guards his heart well and has had few serious relationships. I was happy when, last fall, he said he was falling in love. This relationship is less than a year old but they both have been falling in love fast despite living about 8 hour drive from each other. The news of T's father came just a few days before their first real vacation together. T had to cancel. The bf was supposed to visit family back East right now. Instead, he surprised by brother by flying to him to spend the next few days. This tells me more about bf's seriousness and love for T than anything I've heard so far. :) Bf is there for my brother in his tragic times. This means a lot to T. It means a lot to me as T's very protective sister as well.

I had hoped to go to J's funeral but, complexities of ex-step-family relationships (and a tight pocketbook,) have changed my mind. I plan on sending flowers and a donation to the American Cancer Society in memory of J.