Isis' countdown

My oldest cat, Isis, is nearly 14 years old. I've been with her longer than I've been with Monkey. Last May we had a benign lump on her forehead removed. Last month we found another lump under her left shoulder and had it checked. I really didn't think anything of it. I thought it would be like the one on her forehead. It was bigger and growing faster but she isn't bothered by it at all. Well, it turns out to be a kind of connective tissue tumor that grows fast, sends out tendrils and difficult/impossible to get it all out. To take it out would mean cutting and digging out a large amount tissue from a relatively slender, small cat.  To top it off she has developed a quiet heart murmur that, in cats, is associated with heart disease. I had to make a decision. Do I put my elderly cat, who likely only has a year or so left on average, through an invasive surgery to remove a tumor that likely will return in about six months? Yeah, that is pretty much a no-brainer if you focus on quality of life rather than length. She will not be getting another surgery. The tumor will grow. Eventually it will make her shoulder uncomfortable. When she starts showing signs of pain or extreme discomfort I'll talk to the vet about ending her life.

I knew that she was nearing the end of her life. Indoor, well-cared for cats average 12-15 years. I've heard of much older cats but those aren't the average and I'm realistic about these things. But knowing now that I will likely have to euthanize her in the next six months to a year makes it a bit more on my mind.

Isis isn't our only geriatric pet, just the oldest. I know this is just the beginning of the next few years of our pet population decreasing in the house. I'm very much a realist when it comes to life and death of pets but I'm still feeling a little sad.

My brother's latest tragedy.

My little brother, T, found out last week that his dad has stage 4 lung cancer. J, T's dad, had just enough time to get his final arrangements made. Now J is in his final days, under hospice care and doped to near unconsciousness on pain killer to make him more comfortable.

(Background note if you are confused: T and I have the same mom but, obviously, different dads. T is 7 years younger and will always be my "lil bro" but is a grown man nonetheless. My mom and J divorced shortly after T was born so I barely saw J after I was about 8 years old.)

I ache for my brother. This is so sudden and so horrible. It is small consolation that he had a chance to say his goodbyes. It makes me so sad that T will now have lost both his parents before he turns 30 this summer. So young to have only siblings left.

T had worked hard on keeping his relationship with his dad over the last several years. J is a macho man from a very macho culture and his son's homosexuality was not exactly a comfortable subject for him. Though he didn't understand it, J didn't disown my brother or say he was sick/pervert/damned. J loves his son and so related to him the only way he knew how, through a "manly" activity. T loves cars and used that mutual interest to nurture a decent relationship with his dad. J is a good man. I hope his passing is as painless and gentle as possible.

In the midst of this heart-wrenching experience my brother is discovering a deeper level in his relationship with his boyfriend. Despite his romantic nature, my brother guards his heart well and has had few serious relationships. I was happy when, last fall, he said he was falling in love. This relationship is less than a year old but they both have been falling in love fast despite living about 8 hour drive from each other. The news of T's father came just a few days before their first real vacation together. T had to cancel. The bf was supposed to visit family back East right now. Instead, he surprised by brother by flying to him to spend the next few days. This tells me more about bf's seriousness and love for T than anything I've heard so far. :) Bf is there for my brother in his tragic times. This means a lot to T. It means a lot to me as T's very protective sister as well.

I had hoped to go to J's funeral but, complexities of ex-step-family relationships (and a tight pocketbook,) have changed my mind. I plan on sending flowers and a donation to the American Cancer Society in memory of J.