MIA

So, yeah, I've been missing all summer. I've been feeling pretty ambivalent about this blog. There is so much about ttc here. Coming to this blog seems like I must post about trying to get pregnant or infertility and that feels so...burdening. I do post about other things here but, well, after 6 years of ttc dominating my life those other things are few and far between. Blogging is good for me and I want to continue doing it. I just haven't figured out if it is time to retire this blog and start a new one or continue this one with a commitment to write more about the rest of my life? This will take some thinking.

In the meantime, here are some bullet point updates.

• I'm still ttc with our latest known donor through the end of the year. We have put off our last two infertility intervention tries until at least January. I don't plan on continuing ttc after those tries. I often forget when my period is due now because I only pay attention around insem time. I've been emotionally distancing myself from the process with very little effort.
• Monkey is having a hysterectomy in November because of a hefty fibroid that has taken over his uterus. This doesn't really effect our ttc options as Monkey has never been a possibility for so very many other physical and mental health reasons. It does effect timing and this is why we are postponing the IF tries. I can't imagine trying to handle Clo.mid, IUIs and trigger shots while he is preparing, having, and recovering from surgery. Thankfully, the surgeon is confident that it will be laproscopic surgery so recovery time should be only a few weeks. 
• I've spent the summer really trying to accept and embrace a modified life due to my chronic pain conditions. It has changed the way I do things HUGELY. It is still a struggle not to just push through the pain and finish this or that task. I still hate having to pace myself so carefully. I have managed to accept that I must do this or I will end up even more physically disabled than I already am. 
• I've started baking bread weekly to supply the house rather than buying it. (We do have a back up loaf of store-bought bread this week because I've been sick.) I'm really hoping to get a winter veggie garden up and running as well. This is part of embracing homemaking as my career. I feel like there are so few role models for what I'm doing. I'm no June Cleaver and don't want to be. I'm learning to make my own ideal for being the homemaker for my household (with or without kids).

So, that is the highlights. I'll be posting here still until I decide if I need a clean slate blog or if I want to embrace my baby-crazy past and let the current blog evolve with me. 

I'm off to listen to horror fiction podcasts (or maybe some Nine Inch Nails instead) while I dye some sheets black, clean the bathroom and mop floors. (Yeah, definitely NOT June.) 

Thinking off the shelf

Sometimes wandering the internet aimlessly pays off!I found a clever kitchen organization tip while wandering Pintrest.

We are a snacking household. We love to nibble. Being on WW while being a snacking household is a challenge but we have found a bunch of low "point" tasty noms. However, a bunch of little snacks make for a jumble of half filled boxes and random things lost in the back of the shelf. I've tried various ways to keep these snacks organized but nothing works for long. So when I found this clever little idea I rushed right out to get what I needed.

TADA!


This is a clear plastic, over the door, shoe organizer used to hold all our little nibbles along with our c-drink and ginger drink packets. We can now see and find everything. No more digging through piles for something and no more reaching for a box to find it is empty. Currently it is on our kitchen door out to the hall but I may move it to the back of the pantry door since I've already opened the door on Author while he was deciding on a snack. Whichever door it is on it has already make things much easier!

The real poly experience.

The other day, while driving my family to their respective work places, we experienced a communication cluster fuck. It happens in every relationship but in a poly household they can get even more tangled than in a two person relationship. Thankfully, it was a scheduling confusion rather than anything with much emotional investment but it was a perfect example of real poly household life, made a tad more complex by sharing one car for three adults. It was a very "who is on first" kind of moment. Some of it was from me forgetting to talk about car arrangements then more confusion as the "reply all" button was not hit on an email thread about Monkey's schedule.

Actually, now that I think about it, I was the weak link in this particular cluster fuck. Oops. To redeem myself I did completely change my plans to accommodate my screw up. In the end it worked out better for everyone! I love it when that happens. :)

After it was all worked out Author said, laughing, "This is what people should think about when they think of poly!" We all cracked up. As long time poly people, we had all dealt with the misconception that poly is all about sex, often, with everyone. This little tangled knot of car use, work schedules, grocery shopping and the "reply all" email function is the real daily poly life.

It isn't all about communication issues and scheduling though. It is also about having diverse ways to deal with each other. Like the fact that Author catches me when I slack off from my meditation practice, even when I'm rationalizing it like a pro. Also, he found the perfect motivation to get Monkey back into his workout routine. Monkey has a great eye for world-building inconsistencies and grammar and typos in Author's rough drafts where I am more in tuned with possible character issues. Monkey knows me well enough to step in when I need to readdress my mental health issues and he knows Author well enough to be just the right combo of sympathetic and encouraging when he is freaking out about is writing career. Author and I like to shop for household things and talk about organizational supplies. Monkey and Author like to go to arcades and deconstruct movies. Monkey and I will go to truly crappy movies together and laugh the entire time. We each are something more for each other than any combo of two could ever be. That is the real poly experience.

And the sex is fucking awesome. :)