Threading the Loophole

Same-sex marriage isn't legal where I live. Despite the two extremely liberal cities in my state, the haters managed to pass a constitutional ban. (Ptthhhhhht) We do have a Domestic Partnership union that gives us, in this state, all the rights and obligations of marriage. As we all know, this doesn't change the fact that, federally, Monkey and I are legally almost perfect strangers. (I say "almost" because, since I don't work, he gets a small tax deduction for financially supporting a "non-related" adult.)

This is all about to change though. Not, of course, because the federal government has changed the rules but because Monkey feels that he is less F and more M and figures he should make it legal. By changing Monkey's driver's license sex marker from F to M we are suddenly allowed to marry...a federally recognized marriage.

I've seen others stumble into this loophole but usually with people who are......making a more traditional transition. Monkey had breast reduction (not removal) years ago and has no interest in going through that again to remove the rest. He considered taking hormones but he already has some endocrine problems and some other chronic health issues that would make taking testosterone a very, very risky thing. Monkey is unusually short, curvy-hipped. and soft faced. Even if he did top surgery and T he would never, ever pass and he doesn't care. He is male-ish identified and is happy with his identity.

Even though the name and sex identifier change would have happened no matter what I can't say the loophole wasn't a tempting part of the decision. I'm not exactly sure how I feel about that. As a homemaker, it would be much better on our tax bill if we are federally married. And, as a person coming to realize that I'm more disabled that I like to admit, it would be a much safer position. But, what about the injustice of this loophole? The only thing that is changing is Monkey got a letter from a DMV certified therapist to make them change the F to an M. Now we have access to all the marriage perks? I'm personally thankful for this loophole as it will make things easier for Monkey and I but I still feel a little shady for exploiting it.

One person's trash...

As my household clears out our mounds of built-up stuff Monkey has started checking on Ebay if our outgoing items are worth anything. While looking at, what I think of as a pile of junk, I laughed at his efforts and went back to sorting. The books I could see being worth some trade-in credit at Powell's and maybe we could find some specialty vinyl record store that wanted some of our three boxes of inherited records but the rest... Well, Monkey ignored me and went on checking. Most of what he was checking on was outdated tech. Who wants a zip drive nowadays in the time of 4g thumb drives cheep at every store? It seems some one does, along with a lot of other odds and ends that we have no use for. So far it looks like we may make enough to fund our last vacation of the season coming next week.

This is especially fortunate as predictions of a bad winter to come have been starting to pop up. As a result, we are shelling out on a whole cord of wood as well as preparing to go through a lot more heating oil.

I will never doubt the interest of some one else wanting what I'm getting rid of. I'm hoping these things are going to people who will use them rather than junk up someone else's life.

Downsizing

I liked to think I'm not much of a "stuff" person. However, I looked around my house a few months ago and realized that it was packed to the rafters with, well, stuff! When Monkey and I moved into the house we rattled around in it like two marbles in a pickle jar. It was amazing to have so much space. We thought we'd never fill it up. It is now several years later and we have certainly managed to pack in the stuff. I am told this happens to everyone when you settle down in one place for long enough.

I hate feeling crowded. I feel mentally bloated. By current American standards, I have a small-ish house, however, I look around and feel like this should be more than enough space. Compared to other societies, this is an obscene amount of space. I feel like I'm being wasteful simply by using up space for what is essentially junk. My attic, basement and garage are full of stuff that no one has looked at for a year or more. (To be fair, the garage is mostly Author's stuff that he has been going through to minimize his own collection of stuff.) Do I really need any of this? For the most part the answer is no.

So Monkey and I are going on a stuff diet. Our goal is clear out all of our junk-hiding corners and maximize our use of space through organization. We are also being much more mindful of what we think we need to buy. This part is less of a problem for him as it is for me. I've practicing small amounts of retail therapy because of my trouble getting pregnant. (Didn't get a bfp this month? Buy a new whatever to feel better.) The problem is "small amounts" add up, put strain on our finances and fill our house with little bits of needless stuff. So I'm becoming more mindful about what I want to buy.

The stuff purge got us thinking about what we really wanted in our life. We are wondering if home-ownership was really the right path for us. Did we get the house just because that is what adults are supposed to want? Are we actually more urban-living type people than we thought? Would be be happier renting a nice apartment or townhouse in a more urban setting? It is too soon in this downsizing project to answer those questions but they are under consideration. We have giving ourselves 2 years to downsize our stuff, catch up with house maintenance and tighten up our budget. (This time will also "downsize" our pet population since I do believe that a couple of our elderly animals won't last beyond that. I love every one of my pets and will be sad when they pass away. However, I never intended to have quite so many.) Then we will reconsider our feelings about being home-owners.

We've already started the downsizing project by going through our clothes that no longer fit due to our physical downsizing. (Monkey, Author and I have lost over 120lb as a household so far!) It felt amazing to ruthlessly cull our clothes and get all those piles of stuff our of our drawers and closet. I'm about half way through minimizing my knitting/sewing/craft stuff as well. Downsizing is fun!

It will all be ok...

Last week I was stressing. I was worried. We were still feeling the financial effects of a surprise $800 car repair bill. We had some serious issues to deal with concerning our property tax and our year long ordeal to set up an escrow account. I was even still concerned that Bee, the new donor, would somehow change his mind and back out.

As I was dropping off a box of extra kitchen stuff to donate I spied a bit of graffiti through some trees at the edge of the parking lot. "Does it really say that?!" I wondered and then I had to go see. I poked through a hole in the tree line and peeked through a hole in some chain link fence. Yes, it really does say that. It is like a message from the universe just for me. You can't see it unless you park in that one spot and look straight through the break in the trees. I felt like it was reminding me that nothing was really that bad. That, one way or another, everything always works out. That the world isn't conspiring against me. That I can change my world simply by changing my perspective and my assumptions.

This was just what I needed to see on that day. I spent a few minutes taking pictures of it, grateful that I had my new phone with the much better camera. I messed with some filters and tilt-shift to really make it stand out, like it did in my mind when I saw it. I tweeted it, posted it on my instagram and made it my lock screen on my phone so I could see it often. Now I'm sharing it here.

Yesterday, Monkey was notified that an error had occurred with his pay. He was not getting paid the correct rate because payroll never got the message that Monkey had his extra certification before starting. As a result he was owed 3 months of back-pay for the difference and would be getting the correct rate from now on. O.o!! We hadn't noticed! The paychecks were higher than his old job so we really didn't think it was too low. Now we have a windfall of cash that will fill the hole left by the car repairs and pay some of the property tax so that we can keep working on getting that damn escrow account set up.

It will all be ok. Yes, it will. :)

Strangely optimistic

The potential donor flaked on the meeting and, now, off our list. Our car broke down, will take $700 to fix and the part won't arrive until Tuesday or Wednesday. We need to pay $650 of the several thousand in property taxes we owe in two weeks and it is taking months to set up escrow for this with our mortgage managing company.

And yet I feel strangely hopeful and optimistic.

This is why:

Monkey makes enough money now that, with some tightening of the budget and paying minimums on some bills, we can pay for the car fix and the "get off our back" amount of our property tax. We will then have a month more to get our mortgage company to finish setting up the escrow so the rest of the taxes will get taken care of. We can then pay off the rest of the taxes slowly over time.

We live in Portland, Oregon so going without a car for awhile is not too problematic. We have a great transit system here and I like the relaxed pace of bus transit. Plus, the weather is so nice right now we are walking a lot more anyway.

We have another donor on the list and he is very communicative. We are meeting him on Tuesday. He has been very engaged and proactive. I feel hopeful about him.

It feels strange to feel optimistic. I'm usually quite pessimistic. A week like this would usually have me completely freaked out and convinced that our world was about to fall apart. It is true that some of that was my depression/anxiety that was not being treated properly but some of it was just how I tended to look at the world. I've been trying to change my thinking patterns to be more optimistic. Hmmm...maybe it is working!

Monkey's new job

Monkey is a day away from starting a new job. This job will be a lot less stressful on him and will bring in a bit more money and regular increases. Though the extra money will be nice it isn't what I am most excited about with his new work arrangement. What thrills me is that he will have support staff.

Monkey when into his last job shortly after graduation with no support staff and supervisors fully admitting they have no idea what he does. There were no policy and procedure written and they had not hired any other medical team, including a medical director. That is one hell of a way for a newbie NP to jump in! I'm proud of how Monkey handled it all. He was stressed and overwhelmed but eventually that medical team grew and now things are much better than when he first arrived three years ago. However, it wasn't good enough to keep him. The leadership still didn't really get what he did or what a current NP pay scale was nowadays. When he asked to be brought up the the bottom of the current pay scale he was turned down. (Keep in mind that this was the bottom of the pay scale for community health, that is low. Monkey works out of love but he still deserves compensation for his skills.) There were other things that went wrong there, bigger issues, but the pay raise was the last straw.

(After looking for a replacement for a month, they realized that their pay scale was a load of crap that even pre-graduates wouldn't take. They are now offering well over what Monkey asked for as an increase so that they can actually get a warm body with a valid licence to practice into that office. I'm well aware that this is terribly spiteful of me but I take great joy in this.)

I am so excited for Monkey to start this new job. He will have full support staff, a supervisor who is actually trained in his field and established P&P so he knows what is expected of him. To top it all off, it is all out-patient. No more late night on-call situations. No more worries that reception on the phone is spotty and they won't get through with an emergency call. He can now go to the movies without worrying that his phone might go off and he'd need to dash out! Emergency calls are still possible, that is the nature of medical work, but they are much more rare with out-patient situations.

Things just keep getting better!