The other things in my life.

I've been thinking....

This was never meant to be a ttc/infertility blog. I meant it to encompass all the different facets of my life. However, ttc/infertility hijacked my brain, hell, my life! I rarely blogged about anything else. Well, now that part of my life is coming to a close, most likely without me becoming a parent. I have been pondering what to do with this accidental ttc/infertility blog. 

To put it bluntly, I want to get back to writing about my commitment to living in a D/s relationship with Monkey and Author. (For those not in the know, an educational quickie! D/s is short for Dominate/submissive. This dynamic falls under the larger umbrella of BDSM practices. For a definition of that acronym, google it yourself as I haven't the time to do a Kink 101 class.) However, my blog is listed and pops up on searches for queer ttc. This means many people who may not be comfortable with overtly sexual and kinky subject matters, let alone a lifestyle 24/7 D/s relationship, may show up here. They may be surprised and disturbed by suddenly surfing to what they think is a ttc/if blog and finding themselves knee deep in the ramblings of a kinky submissive. 

On the other side of this, I am a kinky lifestyle submissive who was trying to get pregnant and deal with infertility. I don't like the idea of compartmentalizing my life into separate blogs. I've done it before and it felt very unnatural. It felt like I was hiding my submissive, kinky side. Like I should be secretive and ashamed of the way I am and the way I live. This, of course, is a load of bullshit. I am proud of who I am and the dedication I have to service. I'm not ashamed that I'm a masochistic either.

So here is my dilemma. Do I abandon this blog so that ttc/if followers and searchers don't get freaked out by the newer focus? Or do I continue my blog as it was first intended? A messy mash-up of my life as a kinky, submissive, poly, housemaker, hippyish, punkish, chronic pain suffering, infertile, depression-having, genderqueer. 

I put the question out to the interwebs. Dear readers (all 3 of you) and guests, what are your thoughts? 

MIA

So, yeah, I've been missing all summer. I've been feeling pretty ambivalent about this blog. There is so much about ttc here. Coming to this blog seems like I must post about trying to get pregnant or infertility and that feels so...burdening. I do post about other things here but, well, after 6 years of ttc dominating my life those other things are few and far between. Blogging is good for me and I want to continue doing it. I just haven't figured out if it is time to retire this blog and start a new one or continue this one with a commitment to write more about the rest of my life? This will take some thinking.

In the meantime, here are some bullet point updates.

• I'm still ttc with our latest known donor through the end of the year. We have put off our last two infertility intervention tries until at least January. I don't plan on continuing ttc after those tries. I often forget when my period is due now because I only pay attention around insem time. I've been emotionally distancing myself from the process with very little effort.
• Monkey is having a hysterectomy in November because of a hefty fibroid that has taken over his uterus. This doesn't really effect our ttc options as Monkey has never been a possibility for so very many other physical and mental health reasons. It does effect timing and this is why we are postponing the IF tries. I can't imagine trying to handle Clo.mid, IUIs and trigger shots while he is preparing, having, and recovering from surgery. Thankfully, the surgeon is confident that it will be laproscopic surgery so recovery time should be only a few weeks. 
• I've spent the summer really trying to accept and embrace a modified life due to my chronic pain conditions. It has changed the way I do things HUGELY. It is still a struggle not to just push through the pain and finish this or that task. I still hate having to pace myself so carefully. I have managed to accept that I must do this or I will end up even more physically disabled than I already am. 
• I've started baking bread weekly to supply the house rather than buying it. (We do have a back up loaf of store-bought bread this week because I've been sick.) I'm really hoping to get a winter veggie garden up and running as well. This is part of embracing homemaking as my career. I feel like there are so few role models for what I'm doing. I'm no June Cleaver and don't want to be. I'm learning to make my own ideal for being the homemaker for my household (with or without kids).

So, that is the highlights. I'll be posting here still until I decide if I need a clean slate blog or if I want to embrace my baby-crazy past and let the current blog evolve with me. 

I'm off to listen to horror fiction podcasts (or maybe some Nine Inch Nails instead) while I dye some sheets black, clean the bathroom and mop floors. (Yeah, definitely NOT June.) 

Thinking off the shelf

Sometimes wandering the internet aimlessly pays off!I found a clever kitchen organization tip while wandering Pintrest.

We are a snacking household. We love to nibble. Being on WW while being a snacking household is a challenge but we have found a bunch of low "point" tasty noms. However, a bunch of little snacks make for a jumble of half filled boxes and random things lost in the back of the shelf. I've tried various ways to keep these snacks organized but nothing works for long. So when I found this clever little idea I rushed right out to get what I needed.

TADA!


This is a clear plastic, over the door, shoe organizer used to hold all our little nibbles along with our c-drink and ginger drink packets. We can now see and find everything. No more digging through piles for something and no more reaching for a box to find it is empty. Currently it is on our kitchen door out to the hall but I may move it to the back of the pantry door since I've already opened the door on Author while he was deciding on a snack. Whichever door it is on it has already make things much easier!

Hey? Where'd you go?

Okay, so a small plea made me stick around the dreaded LJ for the rest of 2010. What can I say, I'm a sucker for a plea from a pregnant boy who was only going to post about his baby's birth locked to friends on LJ. I had to follow up with that. But now the dear boy's little one is passed the squishy 4th trimester part, where they look a little like bubble gum and act a bit like luggage that can eat, poop and cry. That is where I step off. So I'm back to the blog I intended to start so long (okay only about 8 months) ago.

Getting up to speed:

1)Donor boy proves too busy and non-communicative to accommodate a four day fertile window. Last cycle was last straw.

2)Taking a break from current donor boy to look for new sperm guy.

3)Started dealing seriously with food issues. Doing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for disordered eating and joined WW to deal with weight. (Lost 20lb so far.)

4)My depression is finally well-controlled, revealing a problematic anxiety disorder. I'm like a mental illness parfait! Dealing with that now...slowly.

Still not pregnant. Still angry about that. Still fat but getting less so. Still a housequeer and boy wonder for my household. Still here.