This post discusses adult themes and violence. Please do not read if you feel this would be unhealthy for you.
It was meant to be horrifying. For me, it was beautiful...and tragic. Of course tragic and insane...but still.... After I looked over at Author with my heart pounding and tears trying to build in my eyes and said "Am I completely fucked up for finding that amazingly moving?"
I'm talking about a scene from the tv show "The Following". It was in the episode titled "Welcome Home". I'm not going to explain the whole show here so if you don't know about it look it up. Also, spoiler alert if you haven't watched it and want to be surprised. Though it aired months ago so I think I'm safe from spoiling most interested parties.
In this particular scene, a devotedly submissive follower of the murderous cult fails, twice, at an important mission that has been entrusted to him from the leader himself. This guy is so completely committed to this leader that the only thing he can think to offer him as penance is his own life. The scene is done beautifully. The inner circle of followers are shocked and awed by what this man is offering for his failure. He tells the leader through tears that all he wants is for his life to mean something. He is implying that giving his life, his death, to this man whom he is devoted to will give his life meaning on a scale that he never could do on his own. Also, that this will release him of the pain and shame of his failure to accomplish his master's task. The leader takes this man's life, his gift, with the same grave respect that it was given. It is close and intimate. It is powerful. I was moved. It was a level of devotion that, as the submissive in 24/7 D/s, I can respect. Maybe, in my secret corner of my heart, I wish I could attain something like that level of devotion.
I know this is fiction. I don't worry that I'm falling into a twisted, morbid kind of fantasy version of D/s. In real life, this would be a criminal tragedy. In real life, I would call the cops on any dominant who ordered murder or suicide of their submissives or on any submissive who attempted these things with or without an order. I would be horrified at the manipulation of obvious mental illness. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All that stuff that shows I'm a generally well-adjusted person with a firm grip on reality and on the concept of ethical behavior.
But the fantasy....well...that is what stories are for, right?
