Same-sex marriage isn't legal where I live. Despite the two extremely liberal cities in my state, the haters managed to pass a constitutional ban. (Ptthhhhhht) We do have a Domestic Partnership union that gives us, in this state, all the rights and obligations of marriage. As we all know, this doesn't change the fact that, federally, Monkey and I are legally almost perfect strangers. (I say "almost" because, since I don't work, he gets a small tax deduction for financially supporting a "non-related" adult.)
This is all about to change though. Not, of course, because the federal government has changed the rules but because Monkey feels that he is less F and more M and figures he should make it legal. By changing Monkey's driver's license sex marker from F to M we are suddenly allowed to marry...a federally recognized marriage.
I've seen others stumble into this loophole but usually with people who are......making a more traditional transition. Monkey had breast reduction (not removal) years ago and has no interest in going through that again to remove the rest. He considered taking hormones but he already has some endocrine problems and some other chronic health issues that would make taking testosterone a very, very risky thing. Monkey is unusually short, curvy-hipped. and soft faced. Even if he did top surgery and T he would never, ever pass and he doesn't care. He is male-ish identified and is happy with his identity.
Even though the name and sex identifier change would have happened no matter what I can't say the loophole wasn't a tempting part of the decision. I'm not exactly sure how I feel about that. As a homemaker, it would be much better on our tax bill if we are federally married. And, as a person coming to realize that I'm more disabled that I like to admit, it would be a much safer position. But, what about the injustice of this loophole? The only thing that is changing is Monkey got a letter from a DMV certified therapist to make them change the F to an M. Now we have access to all the marriage perks? I'm personally thankful for this loophole as it will make things easier for Monkey and I but I still feel a little shady for exploiting it.
Exploit it. There are so many things that are unfair in the way the government relates to people, I see absolutely nothing wrong in your taking advantage of a loophole. And personally, I don't see much point in showing 'solidarity' by not taking advantage. You are in a better place to advocate for marriage equality for all if you have a better safety net in place for you personally. And you can also show how ludicrous is is to put on gender-based restrictions when really those don't mean anything. Just my two cents.
ReplyDelete"And you can also show how ludicrous is is to put on gender-based restrictions when really those don't mean anything."
DeleteI hadn't thought of it this way and I love it! Thank you for this. Monkey and have latched on to the idea of being the "how silly is this" example. Also, of course you are right that denying myself security won't make things better for people outside the loophole. It is good to be reminded. :)