Does Google think I'm "evil?"

When Google Plus first started up I really liked the idea, the circles especially. Being able to post things only to specific groups of people seemed like a dream come true. My ttc/infertility folks wouldn't see my kinky/BDSM stuff. My fellow Jews could opt out of seeing pictures of my tattoos. I could keep my polyamory off the public posts. When the the name thing exploded I took a "wait and see" attitude. I did change my profile to my "legal" name but stopped promoting it on my other SocNet/Blog stuff. I also became very careful about what I posted. I'd hoped that Google would come to their senses and stop this name nonsense. Then I'd switch back to my protected name and have a blast in my various circles.

I was wrong. Mr. Schmidt, Google Chairman, has recently been very clear that G+ isn't a SocNet but an "Identity Service." Well, no thank you Google! I don't need or want an identity service. He was also pretty clear that the focus on "real" identity was about online purchasing. (Ah, so it is all about selling crap.) An even bigger "no thank you" on my part. Then the cherry on top of the shit sundae was this quote:

"But my general rule is people have a lot of free time and people on the Internet, there are people who do really really evil and wrong things on the Internet, and it would be useful if we had strong identity so we could weed them out. I’m not suggesting eliminating them, what I’m suggesting is if we knew their identity was accurate, we could rank them. Think of them like an identity
rank."

If you want to see the full transcript of the interview with Schmidt you can see it here: https://plus.google.com/117378076401635777570/posts/CjM2MPKocQP

So, does this mean that all of us who are concerned about privacy, and therefore wish to use something other than our legal names, are budding Internet sociopaths?

I don't need/want an identity service. I don't need yet another way for advertisers to target me and my household. As someone outside the mainstream, I really don't need my legal name plastered on the Internet any more than it already is. So bye bye Google Plus. I'll be deleting my account this weekend.

::sigh:: Too bad. It could have been a great idea.

Too old for rail?

One of the things that really changed when I was able to manage my depression was my interest in going to concerts. Before the experience of being in a crowd was often too much for me. I would only push myself to attend if it was some one I really wanted to see. I've also expanded my musical tastes and, as a result, am going to shows where I'm unfamiliar with the crowd.

I went to a Deadmau5 show last week. My first real dance music show. Previously, my concert-going experience was at industrial, goth and a few punk shows. I figured there was no way a electronic dance music crowd could be as intense as, say, Nine Inch Nails. When I found myself front and center on rail* I didn't think I'd have much of a problem holding the position. I didn't for the 2 opening acts and I had a blast. Then, right before Deadmau5 started shit started really squished. Still, I wasn't concerned. I'm a heavy person with a very low center of gravity. I'm hard to move if I don't want to move. Deadmau5 started and suddenly I'm besieged by douche bags. There are rules that were followed at the concerts I had been at before. Certain things were not done and if you couldn't push your way to rail after three tries somewhere you moved on. You don't slap people, hit them repeatedly on the head with your camera, or shove them so hard that five people in a row are almost toppled over. Apparently this is pretty normal for the show I was at. Author and I gave up rail within the first ten minutes of the headlining show. I was too pumped full of adrenaline at the time to realize that the experience had resulted in a painful wrenching of my hip. I ended up limping out of the show at the end and ending up in an urgent chiropractic appointment two days later as the injury got worse.

I've never had that happen. I've never given up rail because I felt unsafe. The security at the show was good but they definitely had their hands full so I don't see this as a failure there. Both of the worse behaved were, one way or another, talked to by security. It was too late for me though. The push that sent Author and I stumbling and, I think, caused my injury, was what caused security to come over.

All in all, the show was fabulous. The openers, Zedd and Excision, were awesome. The Deadmau5 show had an amazing light show that made being in the back a lot of fun. It was worth the trip to Seattle. Rail however was not worth the injury and pain. I'll be thinking carefully about going for rail at other EDM shows from now on.

*"Rail" is the front barrier at a general audience, no seats, show. This usually gives about a 3 foot space in front of the stage for security, photographers and, sometimes, replacement gear. This also allows for space to pull out crowd-surfers.

Drawing lines

I'm done. There is almost nothing Monkey's mother could say or do that would repair the damage she has done over the past couple days. I've tried to leave a door open for the possibility of reconciliation. I figured, if I have a kid, I'd have to interact with her for the sake of the kid knowing its only living grandparent. However, now that I've heard how disrespectful she of our family relationship and Monkey as an individual, I don't think she will recognize the child as family. That was the only thing keeping me willing to even bother talking to her. With that gone, I see no reason to even consider trying.

I've never believed the adage "blood is thicker than water" and now I just have another example of why chosen family is my only family.

So close I can taste it.

I have lost 60lb so far. I'm just about 5lb from having lost 20% of my starting body weight. I can't quite believe it yet when I look in the mirror or get on the scale each week there it is. My smallest pair of jeans are now so baggy I always need a belt. Even the shorts I bought earlier this season are getting baggy. Shirts that used to be tight are now more relaxed. I had to buy new, smaller underwear.

Monkey is also losing weight wonderfully. We've had to buy new clothes for him as well. I am small enough now that I can fit into his bigger clothes so I've been taking his shorts and a couple t-shirts from him. His jeans, if hemmed rather than just rolled up, are too short for me to use. (I'm not tall, only 5'4". Monkey is very short.) His style is very different than mine as well. I know that as cold weather approches we will both be forced to buy warmer clothes that actually fit.

I never thought I could be this successful at losing the weight. Everything is easier now. Even losing weight feels like less of a struggle now that I've been doing it for the last 7+ months. I feel like I'm riding a wave rather than trying to swim against the tide.

BFN Blues

Started bleeding today. I guess 1st time with new donor luck isn't in the cards for me. I am handling these letdowns better than I used to but nothing really takes the sting out of another failed cycle.

At least I get my martini tonight.