The new hope?

After waiting for 2 weeks we finally got the results of my pelvic ultrasound. I knew after a week of no info that something might be up and when my NP called me at 7pm on a Friday I was sure it was more than just an "all clear" talk.

It seems I have a significant polyp in my uterus. Well, large when you consider the normal size of a uterus. It is about the size of an eraser on the end of a pencil. The delay in getting the results was my NP wanting a surgery consult before talking with me so that she could tell me all the options. I think she was also figuring out a way to code it so that it is covered under regular gyn rather than infertility so it will cost us a lot less to get it removed. I love my gyn NP. :)

It has been over 4 years since the last time they looked inside my pelvic area but it could have possibly been growing and irritating things for the last 2 years considering the size. Removing it may not magically result in a pregnancy but there are studies showing that it can be a significant factor in infertility. No matter the lack of certainty on effecting fertility we are having it removed. I'm waiting to hear from the surgeon's office to get the ball rolling.

Is this an explanation? Is this possibly a chance to hope again? Monkey and I have decided that there is enough evidence that it could be that our planned "2 last tries" are not enough. If I'm going to have pevic surgery for this then I want at least 6 more tries. Monkey is hoping I'll be willing to go for another year of tries. We'll see. We will still do those 2 clo.mid/trigger/IUI tries in there somewhere but we aren't sure what we are going to do about the rest. Find another known donor? We have an offer that came out of the blue that Author and Monkey are exploring. Or are we going to do some home IUIs with frozen so we don't have to coordinate another person's schedule? Neither of us can think about it too much until after the surgery.

I'm feeling...ambivalent about all this. Hmm, yes, simultaneous and contradictory feelings. Ambivalent is definitely the correct word. I know that this isn't a guaranteed solution. I could do the surgery, try for another year and still not get pregnant. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed and angered by the thought of another 6-12 2 week waits. I just got to a place of acceptance that chances are I wouldn't have a child! But, the chances are in our favor that this polyp has been preventing me from getting pregnant and removing it could be what we need to finally become pregnant. An exciting and hopeful thought. I'm trying to hold on to the hopeful side of this new development. Maybe this will be the magic treatment that finally gives me a baby.

How did it get to be 2012?!?!

Everything is moving so fast! How did we get ankle deep in to January already?!

I'm making good things happen in my life. I've been doing lots of new crafty things, started a (phone) photography project, plugging away at hooping, knitting outside my comfort zone, clearing out clutter and planning some redecorating. All of this is helping with the seasonal crap that has been bogging me down a bit.

December contained:
*A sick dog who is now all better after $1,000 of vet bills. That was after the savings I get for having a Pet Insurance Plan.

*An XBox 360 with Kinect as a holiday gift for the household. I'm not a big gamer but this thing is a lot of fun. Also, having my Hulu and Netflix set up through the XBox is super cool.

*A Nook E-Reader. I love it. So far I've been loading it up with knitting patterns and taking advantage of my local library's e-book lending. After a book resell trip to Powell's for credit I'll be loading it up with some books from their e-book offerings. (Nook is from Barnes & Noble but, unlike Kindle, they make it easy to put other format types on your e-reader.)

*A very crazy month of eating whatever I wanted...a bit too much. I'm back on the WW wagon to continue my healthy habit building.

*An Instagram photo challenge where I took a photo every day of December to match each day's theme. I'll be doing a post with a link to those pictures. I loved doing the daily themes but I've moved to weekly themes for 2012 to give me a bit more breathing room. If you are on Instagram and want to follow me I use the name "yeledov" so look me up!

*A lot of physical therapy for a moderate tear in my right rotator cuff. I'm improving slowly and have at few more months of this. It has put a serious cramp in my hooping practice but I work with what I have.

Coming up in January:
*Baseline ultrasound to double check that my reproductive bits are structurally normal. I've had one before but it was 4 years ago.

*Clomid Challenge Test without insemination. Now that I'm in the "elderly" age bracket for infertility my NP wants to check my response to Clomid again. I have another cycle of side effects and blood tests to look forward to. This will tell us if it is still worth the money and stress of doing the last two infertility cycles or if we should just throw in the towel now. Strangely, I'm not too worried about this. I think, whatever my problem is, it isn't my ability to ovulate.

*A landmark birthday for Monkey. He is crossing the 35 year line. I'm not sure why but this seems like a big deal.

*Lots and Lots of new crafting/art/knitting things.

I'm going to try to blog more. I'm still trying to decide if I need to make a creative arts blog as well or if I should keep it all mixed up here. Hmmm.